Eastwind Westwind

The meetings at big M was interesting. After two meetings with the two lieutenants, it was obvious that my prediction was right, that these should really be informational meetings. By the time of 12:00pm, I was outside the office of my old boss’s boss. It’s in the corner of the hallway. The first thing I saw in his office was the exercise ball. “He still kept his exercise ball!” I commented to the lieutenant. My boss’s boss was and seems still an very athletic and energized person as I remembered. “Hey I am sorry to be late.”I turned my head around and saw him walking fast toward us. 

The lunch was a hurried one. My purpose was not for lunch so when asked what choices I would make for lunch, I replied “something simple and fast, not sloppy.” So we ended up with salad and I ended up eating half of my salad since we were busy talking. He was as straight forward as he was always, and pointed out the obvious. “That’s what I thought too.” I brought it up that that’s why I suggested for an informational rather than a formal. Chatting about the people we both know, he commented that “you’ve done amazing things in the past a few years.” I think so too, considering I am a small player in the biggest league of the world in the past two years. Life is amazing itself and my life is by no means at the miserable end of the spectrum. By far not. “It’s a small world isn’t it?” He commented when I mentioned about people we both know in the past. Sure it is, and it is getting smaller, like it or not, we sometimes accidentally even connect to people we do not intend to. Just a couple of days ago, I saw an employee I fired several years ago, shown up in my network. Yuck.

It was a great day. Walking outside of the building, the sunlight was so bright and it actually hurt my eyes. In another building, I met up with my friend and ran into another friend, hugs and “good byes.”

A few hours later, I landed back in San Francisco, where my cat and work are at.

The world is quite small, I could step back to my old life and step in my new life in just two hour plane ride..

A few weeks ago I received a response from my old boss’s boss back when I worked for the big M. “I have two open positions, are you interested?” Of course. I have not really put my roots down in the bay area, for that I am so used to the rain and clear air in the Northwest. But when I received the forwarded descriptions, I hesitated. I have left more than four years ago. What it is alike today in that environment? What sort of politics will be involved in order to be successful in that position? It’s not a small organization there. I do not want jump in without finding out how deep the water is. So I decided to go for an informational rather than formal interview, ended up flying on my own dime and staying at my own condo where my friend J and his family is renting from me.

It is a bit surreal to be back to my own place where it is not my own place anymore. The first day I took bus down to Seattle for a visit. The weather was gorgeous, the Sun was incredibly bright that hurt my eyes. The flowers at Pike Place Market was so colorful that it reminded me the good old days when I make trips down there. Anticipating that it might get cold, I wrapped myself with a scarf. That made me look a bit foreign on the busy street. I have also taken a stroll down Alki beach, where I occasionally go for stroll and lunch. The beach was very crowded and it actually resembles a summer holiday place rather than a beach front of a residential area.

During the few hours I have spent back in town, I have a very familiar yet a bit strange feelings about Kirkland and Seattle. I once undoubtfully thought I belong to these places and they belong to me, but at the end of the day, especially a day later when I sat in my own living room looking at the stuff scattered around, it is actually not my place anymore.

Tomorrow will be an interesting day, and I believe fate and trust there is a future waiting for me and fate is directing me toward that direction and that destination..

A few months ago, I walked out a meeting room and saw a person passing by me, “Henry!” The guy turned his head, “Ah! It’s you!” Henry is my colleague back in early 2000′s. “When did you join?” “Last week.” It was funny that I started run into some familiar faces in the hallways here. “Hey I am running to another meeting, we should catch up later” I waved at him.

A few days later, we met for lunch at Cafe Mac. It must have been six years since I saw him in Redmond. Sitting in the oval shaped bright cafeteria, sunlight pouring through the floor-to-ceiling glass windows, I asked him what brought him over. The response is about the same as what I heard from other former colleagues I have bumped into on the street in the bay area. “… I thought a change is good.” As a week old person on this campus, I saw an enthusiastic face full of energy. “So how do you like it here?” Henry asks. I tried my best to give him a more realistic picture. “The honeymoon period is short, and the first a few months are challenging, but if you can pull through the first six months, things get easier.” I remember how people in office hi-fived me when I reached my six month milestone..

“Care for lunch?” I received a text last week.  It’s Henry. “I am busy today, but can do Monday.”

We met for lunch. This time Henry just came back from Seattle. “Oh I am going back there this weekend. I miss Seattle’s good weather.” I said, not jokingly. “How do you like it here now?” This time it is my turn to ask him.

Not surprised by the content but I was a bit surprised about how frank he was. “I do not feel confident. Many things I have done in the past doesn’t seem apply here.” I see a pensive look on his face. Although I am only about eighteen month older than him in this company, I tried to encourage him. “Well, in my first year, there were several times I almost walked out on my job.” There are times emotions run high and physical strength run low. “But I feel my knowledge is not applicable here and what I have is not sufficient for my current work, although I am a supposed ‘high caliber’ hire.” He continued. “But you are.” I was not just trying to encourage him. I thought I’d give him some examples. “I once told someone when there was a person in position did the best to discourage and demotivate most of the organization, ‘Heck, I’ve proved myself many times in this industry, it’s not my problem.” “So it’s not you. It’s the process most people go through when first joined.” I heard many such stories. And many attritions during my long twenty two months here.

The experience reminded my conversation with someone at work several years back. “.. it is a process of breaking you down and building you up.” It’s no different than being in a bootcamp in army.

The question we should all ask ourselves is, at this stage of our lives, do we still want to go through the bootcamp in order to play in the big league? Can we still go through the “breakdown and buildup” cycles without damage? Is it worth it? With an hour of discussion with Henry, we parted and joked that we should support each other when things are getting us down.